The Top 5 Films I’m Ashamed To Admit I Love
Ah, DVD shelf…truly, you hold no shame. But you do hold many, many shameful films. Face it, everybody has those DVD’s we buy in a moment of brain confusion. The movies or TV collections we love to watch, even though they’re just…awful. Goddamn-stink-on-your-shoes-AWFUL. Here’s mine & why.
5. Josie & the Pussycats (2001)
Yeah, I’m leading strong outta the box with this one. This movie is a failed send-up/parody of all the teen pop-rock & roll movies we were deluged with in the late 90’s/early 2000’s. As a guilty pleasure though, you can’t help but to get into it. Starring Rachael Leigh Cook, Rosario Dawson, and Tara Reid before she passed her “sell-by date,” It moves quick, has some particularly clever humor, and skewers pop-celebrity culture. It’s also a double-whammy for me, as I was also a fan of the cartoon when I was a kid. I even watched that ‘toon when they went to space. Yeah. SPACE. Moving on now.
4. Judge Dredd (1995)
Sly Stallone does his slightly drooling take on the U.K.’s iconic fascist lawman in this 1995 sci-fi opus and inexplicably, brings SNL “Funny-Man” Rob Schneider along for the ride. Why? You know, I really have no idea. The comic property was a dark dystopian view of the future, and this reduces it to the level of 80’s buddy-cop film. With Diane Lane & Joan Chen as the eye candy, and Armand Assante in one of the MOST over-the-top film baddie roles in celluloid action history, Judge Dredd slurred it’s way into my heart with it’s bleak vision of the future, fast-paced action & really, REALLY hysterical incoherent Stallone quotes. Seriously, did he have dental work done just before shooting this picture?
3. Evolution (2001)
This is actually a decent film, yet it was overlooked when it hit theaters. However, it represents another in the streak of failed comedies in recent memory from legendary “Ghostbusters” director Ivan Reitman. An alien-invasion comedy film, Starring David Duchovny (the X-File guy), Orlando Jones (the 7-Up guy), Julianne Moore (the Boogie Nights chick. No…the OTHER one), and Seann William Scott (the ANNOYING guy), this movie just seemed to have abundant amounts of a good thing, but was ultimately flawed in its execution of bringing those elements together. An uneven effort at best, but still a hoot.
2. The Dukes Of Hazzard (2005)
Another raping of a classic TV property, and another film on the list with Seann William Scott! Coincidence? Not bloody likely. This is a hard movie to really hate, with people like Burt Reynolds, Willie Nelson, Johnny Knoxville, and a “when-she-didn’t-wear-Mom-jeans” Jessica Simpson (really, people…calling HER fat? Honestly.) But if you’re comparing it to the beloved 80’s car-chase show, you’re gonna come up short. It’s a bit harder, decidedly more geared to adults, and quick with the foul language & nudity. It does however, retain the spirit of fun & rebellion the original had. For that alone, not even counting the kick-ass soundtrack, along with a well-done job of direction from Broken Lizard alum Jay Chandrasekhar, it takes the #2 spot on the list.
1. Jason X (2002)
Okay. I’m not gonna lie. This is the WORST movie on this list. Maybe the worst in the voluminous “Friday The 13th” series. But it’s fun. And oh god, it is FUNNY. It knows it too. With throwaway lines like…”This sucks on so many levels.” Clearly a commentary on the film itself. And the hysterical spin on the classic sleeping bag murder gag alone guarantees it a place in the warmed cackles of my hardened heart. It deliberately pokes fun at it’s own slasher film status in every scene. And as far as the script goes? It’s gotta be the most original & imaginative take in the series to date. Plus the moment when the cybernetically rebuilt “ÜberJason” strides in on screen, you clearly have to give up any hope of reclaiming any dignity you had before watching this film & just agree to embrace the cheese openly. So go watch this movie. Love this movie. Just don’t tell anybody else you love this movie. Not unless you have blog space you need to fill. *shameless plug*
So, that’s my personal list of the best of the worst. Agree? Disagree? Let us know by either commenting below, e-mailing us at podbotch@gmail.com, or letting your voice be heard on our Facebook & Twitter feeds. So many opportunities to let your opinion be heard. Soooooooo much celluloid cheese. Go watch in good health & even better cheer!
—Uncle Phil